What emotions do you struggle to keep under control?

[Your Uncle Sam]

    Michelle Athens

   GUEST AUTHOR

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What emotions do you struggle to keep under control?

FEAR. Simple cold dead FEAR.

This week reminded me of an experience I had last year. I was in the process of selling my business. I was under a tremendous amount of stress when, out of nowhere, the left side of my face began tingling at random times. Not a painful sensation but a strange one as if someone was flicking cold water at my cheek and forehead. I made a doctor’s appointment and after examining me, scheduled a precautionary MRI brain scan even though she didn't think they would find anything significant.

At the Imaging Center, I undressed in the small stall behind a pink curtain and put on a thin hospital gown. Once inside the examining room, I sat on the edge of the plastic slab that would eventually slide me into the M.R.I. I answered questions confirming any metals in or on my body because the M in M.R.I. stands for magnetic and anything metallic would most likely be ripped from me once I was inside the machine. I gulped and began to shiver, hoping to God that my abdomen was not harboring some stray surgical instrument from my appendectomy a few years back. The technician asked if I wanted a blanket. I nodded and she draped a white sheet over me as I laid back. She snapped a small black plastic cage over my head, inches from my face, like a catcher’s mask and adjusted the camera attached to it aiming it at my forehead. She patted my leg and slid me into the small dark tunnel.

There was relaxing music playing on headphones she’d put over my ears. It was supposed to drown out the clanging of the machine but the they didn’t sit right on my head because of the cage. The music sounded far off and tinny. I felt alone, trapped on some kind of bizarre abandoned carnival ride. The blanket weighed heavy on my body, closing me in and pinning me down. Through a sliver at the top of the MRI tunnel, I could see the room, yellow walls and fluorescent lights. I focused on its brightness and openness, desperately ignoring the sensation of being trapped inside a coffin. I tried to slow my breathing; in through the nose, out through the mouth.

I was to keep perfectly still for fifteen minutes while the machine captured the images but my teeth were chattering. I tried to relax the muscles in my legs but the more I held still, the more they screamed to shift position. When my left foot moved slightly, the voice of the technician immediately carried through the earphones, small and distant like a helicopter pilot, reminding me to remain still and asking if I was alright. The intrusion broke my concentration and suddenly my stomach lurched. Terror burst through my countenance like an angry river. I was being washed away in a force beyond my control.

“No!” I yelped. “I’m not alright. I need to get out of this thing!”

I kicked off the blanket, flinging it onto the floor. The technician appeared in the room trying to rationalize that if we stopped now, I’d have to start all over again and the five minutes I’d already endured would be wasted.

“I don’t care,” I cried, trying to scoot down the slab to escape the cage. She quickly unsnapped it and I sat up shaking. I sobbed while the technician tried to calm me down. I was embarrassed at losing control; an exhausted puddle of defeat and I wanted to go home.

I was bewildered at my behavior. As a Christian, I am supposed to rely on God to get me through the shadowy dark valleys of my life and I’d forgotten that. I'd gone to my appointment vulnerable and spiritually unprepared. When I went to the Lord in prayer, He spoke Psalms 121 to me.

"...I lift up my eyes to the hills-
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip
He who watches over you will not slumber,
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you
The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm
He will watch over your life;
The Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore."

I’d never had a problem with claustrophobia in the past but it seems that MRI experience activated something in my psyche that now causes my heart to beat faster inside elevators, feel dizzy in crowded places and unconsciously begin mapping out exit strategies in small confined spaces. When the enemy comes upon me that way, and I feel the panic rising in my gut, I sail through it every time by taking a deep breath, remembering the promise of my God and I say, I lift up my eyes to the hills…

Thank you Father for taking care of us....

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CLICK HERE

http://tpartyus2010.ning.com/notes/THE_INTERVIEW_WITH_GOD

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[Kathryn Ball]

Thank you for sharing, Michelle.

I think that increasing numbers are turning to God...............always a good thing!

[PHILIP SCHNEIDER]

Thank you Mrs. Athens for sharing.

[PHILIP SCHNEIDER]

I must spend time in deep thought about how close to GOD we need to be.

[Paul Arnold Browning]

AMEN!!!!!