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PHOTOGRAPH BY OLIVIER DOULIERY/POOL/GETTY
Borowitz Report

BOROWITZ REPORT

BY 

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a historic Oval Office ceremony on Thursday morning, President Barack Obama signed an executive order closing Congress, effective immediately.

The President said that the move would dramatically increase the efficiency of the federal government, noting how much he had accomplished since he stopped working with Congress in November.

Additionally, he said, the elimination of Congress would result in annual savings of more than five billion dollars, which Obama said would be refunded to American taxpayers.

Acknowledging that “some sticklers” would argue that the Constitution calls for three branches of government, the President said, “All this order does is reduce that number by one.”

The initial public reaction to the President’s decision appeared to be overwhelmingly positive, as news of the executive order sent his approval rating soaring to seventy-nine percent.

Asked by reporters if he had any message for members of Congress, the President said, “I got it from here.”

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Comment by Kathryn Ball on January 30, 2015 at 8:19pm

Fingers, arms, toes, eyes......................................all crossed!

Comment by PHILIP SCHNEIDER on January 30, 2015 at 2:41pm

Chris, I think we ALL have our fingers crossed, I know I do.

Comment by Chris Horne on January 30, 2015 at 2:04pm

Please say it ain't so.  Keeping my fingers crossed this actually does not happen!  The damage he has done will never go away but we must keep up the fight!

Comment by PHILIP SCHNEIDER on January 30, 2015 at 2:27am

Whew! Ray you had me goin there right until the end where you said, I was supposed to guess it was satire and not the truth. Well I mean to tell ya, I hadn't guessed it was satire.

 I often prove or disprove a particular political philosophy by extending the idea to it's most extreme. I believe the theoretical mental exercise is a valid test of ideas. In this case Obama decided to eliminate congress and followed that up with giving himself unlimited power to issue executive orders.

Just as in my political philosophy experimentation above, Obama had taken a political philosophy to its most extreme and the wrong result becomes immediately obvious. Without congress and with the power to make law Obama becomes THE power unto himself . . . . which of course is absurd. That would make the United States a monarchy and it surely is NOT and never will be. (more satire).

Comment by Kathryn Ball on January 29, 2015 at 9:38pm

When it got to the part that the money would be returned to taxpayers...................................well, I KNOW horse manure when I see it!

Comment by Raya @ REAL CONSERVATIVES on January 29, 2015 at 8:32pm

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@PHILIP SCHNEIDER

Obama Issues Executive Order Giving Him Authority to Issue Executive Orders

In a historic early-morning ceremony in the Yellow Oval Room, attended only by Michelle Obama and pajama-clad White House dog Bo, and recorded for posterity by White Hose photographer Pete Souza, President Obama -- also pajama-clad -- signed the mother of all executive orders: an order giving him constitutional authority to issue executive orders.

It soon became clear why this unprecedented action was necessary and sufficient. Later, on Thursday, Andy Borowitz reported at The New Yorker that the president subsequently signed an executive order closing Congress, effective immediately.

The president cited efficiency and fiscal reasons for the move and minimized the significance and impact of his order by saying that while some would argue that the Constitution calls for three branches of government, all his order does is reduce that number by one, according to Borowitz.

Speaker John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell reacted indignantly and defiantly to this affront to their manhood by inviting Russian President Vladimir Putin to address a joint session of the disbanded Congress at an undisclosed location.

Seeing this as a welcome break from his invasion of Ukraine, Putin immediately accepted the invitation, saying that it would be his honor and pleasure to show this "despot" -- referring to Obama -- "what democracy is really all about." Republicans insisted on one condition only: that Putin wear his shirt out of respect for the Congress-in-exile and because it will be very cold at the undisclosed location -- a cave deep in the Virginia mountains.

It is not clear whether Democrats will attend the joint session or whether they will petition the president to issue another executive order recognizing an all-Democratic Congress.

Borowitz further reports that when the president was asked by reporters if he had any message for the former members of Congress, the president -- whose approval rating immediately soared to 79 percent, according to Borowitz -- said, "I got it from here."

This piece, if you hadn't guessed, is satire.

Comment by PHILIP SCHNEIDER on January 29, 2015 at 7:45pm

Whaddya wanna bet Obama has actually THOUGHT about doin it.

Comment by Raya @ REAL CONSERVATIVES on January 29, 2015 at 5:42pm

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@ Kathryn Ball

...sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction, and SCARIER!

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BOO!

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Comment by Kathryn Ball on January 29, 2015 at 4:46pm

                                                     APRIL FOOL!!!!!!!!!                                                      a bit early!

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