Me Tonto, you Jane

[Raya @ REAL CONSERVATIVES]

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The Best Lovers

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a spectacular gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. As if his prayers were answered, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was this most beautiful woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"It's Tonto," the man said, "...Tonto Goldstein, ...but my friends call me Bubba!"

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I was recently sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. 

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who was in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended my High School.

"Yes. yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked. 

He answered , "In 1971. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

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[Kathryn Ball]

John......great post :o} !

[PHILIP SCHNEIDER]

We . . . .never stop learning.

Years ago, although I don't have direct recollection of it, I used to suck my thumb.

I'm not as dumb now as I was then.

I'm glad I never attended that dead cow lecture, I'd probably have a different appreciation for milk.

[John Burroughs]

DEAD COW LECTURE

First-year students at the Purdue Veterinary School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor".

"The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

[PHILIP SCHNEIDER]

True Kathryn but consider this,

if someone had actually hit BHO with an AXE he would definitely not be what he is today!!!!!!

[Kathryn Ball]

You do realize that if someone actually SPANKED BHO he might not be what he is today???????

[Kathryn Ball]

                                                         ;o} !!!!!

[PHILIP SCHNEIDER]

BUBBA . . . .