Sandra's Photo and Cartoon Bucket

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Comment by Richard Allan Jenni on January 21, 2011 at 3:45am

Comment by Sandra on January 17, 2011 at 5:44pm

ROTFLMAO.... Thanks I needed a good laugh today!

Comment by Richard Allan Jenni on January 17, 2011 at 1:18pm

Too crazy not to be true:

 

"First Date

 

This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

 

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.  The winner described her worst first date experience.

 

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

 

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold.. And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah .  It was a day trip (no overnight).  They were strangers, after all, and had never met before.

 

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

 

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.  They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!  Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile.  Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

 

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.  In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

 

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.  All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

 

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.  As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.  Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.  It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

 

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!  He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.  She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

 

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!  Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

 

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

 

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.

 

Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

 

Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

 

Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

 

If you laughed at this, pass it on.  If you didn't laugh, you need a better sense of humor."

 

Comment by Sandra on January 7, 2011 at 2:05pm

{:-)))

Comment by Richard Allan Jenni on January 7, 2011 at 10:05am

YACHT DELIVERY 85' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 state rooms,  a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation,  twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.  $7,474,793.00 *********************************************************** Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream, and  music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owner' and a small group of his friends  $1500.00 Two corporate representatives, crane, and  rigging $2,500.00 an hour minimum... complete with a faulty $25.00 dollar turnbuckle.   (Note the owner in the stern)  Watching your 7 million dollar dreamboat nose dive into the  harbor, accompanied by two corporate  representatives from the company that built it,  just prior to  'inking' the final paperwork and handing over a 7 million dollar bank check...   PRICELESS! So, how is your day going?

Comment by Sandra on January 1, 2011 at 7:34pm

Poetic justice perhaps Darlene?

Comment by Darlene Littlejohn on January 1, 2011 at 4:23pm

Just read this over in our iCaucus Texas state group - gotta love those Texans!

An observation: In this New Year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address occur on the same day. It is an ironic juxtaposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication. While the other event involves a groundhog!

Comment by Sandra on December 30, 2010 at 10:31am

ROTFLMAO, what a great joke....

Comment by Darlene Littlejohn on December 30, 2010 at 3:42am

Very good, Uncle Sam!

Comment by Your Uncle Sam on December 29, 2010 at 11:57pm

Semper FI  ~  USMC ........... Best Joke  of the Year  

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when  they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American  Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid  was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had  happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving  north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.

We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches  along the road..   

I  yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what  he deserved.

and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,  good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like  a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling,  "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

"And,  there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit  us."

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