Green Bulbs from Red China

[Sandra]

Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha Investigates CFL (Can't Freaking Last) Light Bulbs

Green Bulbs from Red China

 
 - William Kevin Stoos  Thursday, March 10, 2011

-Satire

After returning two burnt-out, allegedly long-lasting, politically-correct, environmentally- friendly, curly Q, Al Gore-sanctioned, CFL bulbs within two moths of purchase, and having evacuated his office a couple times so the local HAZMAT team could do a sweep of the office and clean up the mercury neurotoxins emitted by a bulb that broke on the floor, Hugh Betcha decided to investigate. Hugh, the “Chief of the Environmental News Bureau” of worldwide media conglomerate, Stoos Views, and named “Most Trusted Journalist in America, 2011”­a man who walks with kings and princes and has the respect of both sides of the aisle in Washington, D.C.­decided to explore these mercury-laden, harmful-ray emitting, but politically- correct bulbs destined, by federal fiat, to phase out the trusty old incandescent bulbs that have graced American households for over a century.

Jetting to New Orleans, Hugh traced his old friend, Al Gore to a sleazy back street business off Bourbon Street, named “Al’s Massage and More.” It seems that Gore had found a new occupation after an incident with a masseuse a year previous, and had gone into the personal comfort business. Hugh was greeted warmly by Gore, who sported black wrap around shades, wore a silky gold and red robe, and puffed on a Benson and Hedges in a gold cigarette holder.

“Got out of the environmental business a couple years back,” Al told his old friend. “Seems that the global warming thing didn’t work out. They’re calling it ‘climate change’ now,” Gore smirked as he invited his friend to sit. “The poles did not disappear, as I predicted, the past two years of record cold and snowfall in every state but Florida sort of hurt my credibility a little, so I have decided to open up this little shop. This has been fun and rewarding. There is a lot of money in the ‘personal comfort’ business, if you know what I mean,” Gore winked slyly. As he nestled down in his overstuffed chair in the bordello-red ante room, he asked the reporter, “What’s on your mind?”

“CFL light bulbs­tell me what you know,” the reporter asked.

“Well, I invented them as you know. About the same time as I invented the internet. These promise to be the most environmentally friendly devices yet and will save America millions in energy costs. It is the best thing I have ever done, apart from the internet, and my latest book­Inconvenient Humans.”

“Yeah, but what about the mercury?”

Gore tilted his head back, smiled and waved dismissively: “A minor side effect. What is a little mercury poison as compared to several dollars savings per year from the use of these bulbs? As you know, I made hundreds of thousands of dollars from zinc mines­a little leaching of chemicals into the groundwater from the mining residue was nothing compared to the profit I made from selling the mining rights. Sure, the aquifers had a little higher toxicity, and some land was too toxic to farm, but that is a trade off I was willing to make. If you are worried about the mercury in the CFL bulbs, just don’t drop them, don’t hang around any toxic waste dumps and don’t drink the water if you live within 50 miles of one, and you will do just fine.”

With that, Hugh began to leave, as Gore tugged at his sleeve. “Would you like a personal comfort massage by my assistant, Cherry Love? On the house!”

“No, I have to be going,” Hugh said as he left the room hurriedly.

Hugh’s next stop was the White House to visit his friend, the President­with whom he had many past interviews. Landing in Foggy Bottom, Hugh was met by a Presidential limo and whisked to the White House to meet with Obama and his good friend, Jeff Immelt, Chairman of General Electric. Ushered into the Oval Office, Hugh was greeted warmly by the two men.

Munching on cheeseburgers and fries, the two invited Hugh to sit and talk while they finished lunch. As he sat in a large chair in front of the Presidential desk, Hugh watched as Michelle entered the room.

“Where’s my Big Mac and fries?” The First Lady demanded.

“Right here, dear,” replied the President, as he handed the First Lady a Big Mac, jumbo fries and large Coke. With that, she walked briskly out of the room, anxiously unwrapping the sandwich, not bothering to acknowledge the reporter.

“About the CFL light bulbs, Mr. President,” Hugh began.

“Ah yes,” the President replied, “this will save millions in energy costs, fits nicely with our Think Green Campaign, and creates thousands of jobs. It is the most important environmental development since the windmill and the solar panel, and our friends at G.E. have graciously consented to manufacture these bulbs. In fact, Mr. Immelt and I were just discussing this Think Green Campaign as you walked in­how fortuitous.”

“As far as the jobs,” Hugh continued, “aren’t these light bulbs manufactured in China?”

“Yes, but…”

“And aren’t the unions that represent G.E. employees concerned about the loss of jobs here in the States when G.E. makes all the bulbs in China?”

“Yes, but we are actually doing them a favor,” Immelt chimed in.

“How so?” Hugh inquired, incredulous. “How can creating thousands of jobs in China making bulbs that G.E. sells by the millions here in the States, possibly help the American worker?”

“Very simple,” Immelt replied. “These damn things are dangerous­full of poison you know­like everything else we get from China. You know, poison drywall, poison child toys, poison baby formula….We don’t want to make the damn things here­we just want to sell them.”

“So this has nothing to do with the fact that labor is cheap in China, there are no unions to contend with, and your company can make hundreds of millions more on these bulbs by using slave labor in China?”

“Of course not,” Immelt replied angrily, “this is all about the safety of our workforce.”

“And what about the fact that these CFL bulbs contain mercury, a poisonous neurotoxin, and their rays are harmful to some people with certain skin conditions?” Hugh pressed the two.

“Very simple,” the President replied dismissively, “just don’t drop them; don’t hang around any toxic waste sites and don’t drink the water within 50 miles of them and you’ll be fine.”

“And, I might add, make sure you post conspicuously the number of your local HAZMAT team in case you get clumsy and drop one of these,” Immelt added. “We would not want you or your wife or kids to suffer mercury poisoning when these bulbs land on the floor and burst. Just evacuate the house for a day or two, call the authorities, rent a motel and stay away till it is cleaned up and you will be just fine.”

“But, we did not have to do this with the old incandescent bulbs,” Hugh replied.

“Yeah, but they did not save energy either,” replied Immelt.

Failing to see the logic, Hugh continued: “Didn’t G.E. contribute twice as much to the Democrats in 2008 as they did to the Republicans?”

“Well,” Immelt stammered, “perhaps.”

“And were you named to the President’s advisory panel on the economy?” Hugh pressed Immelt.

“Of course,” Obama interceded, as he sat puffing on a Marlboro after finishing his McDonald’s Happy Meal, “Mr. Immelt has a brilliant mind, knows how to get the economy back on track and is a valued advisor.”

“And his company owns MSNBC­who has never uttered a critical word against the White House since the 2008 election?”


“Well…” Immelt replied, nonplussed.

“By the way, the phase out of the incandescent bulbs begins shortly by federal decree is that correct?” Hugh asked.

“Yes,” replied the President.

“So, the company that manufactures the poisonous green bulbs in Red China; sells them at an obscene profit in America to the detriment of the American union workers; a company that owns MSNBC (Most Sycophants Nuzzling Barack Constantly)­which has never uttered an unkind word about you, Mr. President­and a company that contributed generously to the Democratic Presidential Campaign in 2008, stands to profit more than any other from the federal law that phases out the incandescent bulb, is that right?”

“Mere coincidence!” Immelt protested indignantly as he rose from his chair.

“And may I ask when the federally-required phase out of the incandescent bulbs is scheduled to begin?” asked Hugh.

“2012 I believe, unless, for some reason, the government changes its mind,” replied the President.

“The year of the next Presidential election?”

“Precisely,” replied the President.

With that, Hugh excused himself, thanked the two for their time, and returned home to the headquarters of Stoos Views in beautiful downtown Wynstone, South Dakota­where the air is clean, the crime rate low, the people vote red, cling to their guns, and stockpile their incandescent bulbs.

http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/34271

 

[Sandra]

Sure is Gordon, and they do have Mercury in them. If they break you have real problems. Funny Mercury is banned in the US, so guess that is why China makes them. Maine has an 8 step disposal for  them and the last step is leave the home. Can you imagine these breaking in California or ending up in our water supply...

[Gordon Ray Kissinger]

It's part an parcelof the totally insane policies of the radical progressives. Government corruption videos-

http://www.realecontv.com/page/1221.html